The Dangers of Misdiagnosing Sex Addiction As High Sex Drive

One of the most common obstacles we have to overcome when meeting new clients at Hope & Freedom is that, at some point in therapy, the wounded partner was told in so many words, “Just be sexier.”

When couples are having troubles related to sex, couples therapists sometimes assume that the problem is that she’s just tired, or he has a high sex drive. The solution to their marital woes? Just have sex more.

This might well be the case for some couples, but for others, the problem is much deeper. As a clinician dealing with couples who have wide ranging needs and complex histories to sort through, you know as well as I do that the diagnosis and treatment for any couple’s challenges is rarely as simple as it may seem.

What if there is a bigger issue than high sex drive at stake?

High Sex Drive vs. Sex Addiction: How to Tell the Difference

Unless you’re familiar with sex addiction already, it can be challenging to tell the difference between a person who has a high sex drive and someone with an addiction.

The main difference between the two is this: control.

A person who has a high sex drive is able to control their behaviors and make choices that align with their values and responsibilities. 

Someone with a sex addiction has lost that ability to control their behaviors. They are preoccupied with sexual thoughts, activities, or fantasies. They keep engaging in these behaviors, even when they have negative consequences. The activities they engage with may escalate over time, becoming more risky, harmful, and dangerous.

“High sex drive” refers to the natural variation in someone’s sexual desire. It isn’t usually a concern unless it’s causing distress for that individual or is negatively impacting their life.

Misdiagnosing sex addiction as a high sex drive can lead to inappropriate interventions that could harm that individual and their partner.

Treating High Sex Drive vs. Sex Addiction

Someone who has a high sex drive probably won’t require intensive therapy. Instead, a little bit of education and counseling regarding healthy sexual expression can go a long way. For couples in which one partner has a higher sex drive than the other (and, really, isn’t this almost always the case?), teaching healthy boundaries and communication skills will help couples navigate their differences and improve their relationship.

An accurate sex addiction diagnosis will lead someone down a much harder road, but it is a road to recovery and freedom. Left undiagnosed, sex addiction can wreak havoc in a person’s life.

Decades of research have equipped sex addiction therapists with evidence-based approaches to treat sex addiction, including 12-Step programs, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and other interventions that get to the heart of the issue and help individuals prevent relapse.

Sex addiction is a very complicated and challenging condition to navigate. According to Hope & Freedom’s research, individuals in recovery will need to navigate four different phases in order to experience true freedom from their addiction, which can take years.

To support sex addicts and their partners, Hope & Freedom has developed a 3-Day Intensive to build the foundation of recovery quicker and accelerate an individual or a couple’s path to recovery.

If you have a client who you suspect is suffering from sex addiction, an Intensive or one of our other recovery resources can be a useful supplement to your ongoing therapeutic support. Download our Intensives Brochure to share with your clients or refer them to Hope & Freedom University.

If you are interested in learning more about the complexities of sex addiction, Hope & Freedom offers training for therapists to become Certified Hope & Freedom Practitioners. Learn more about the Hope & Freedom Institute.

Together, we can offer help, hope, and healing to couples dealing with the trauma of sex addiction.